I Wish

I Wish I Could Be More Like The People I Love

June 25, 2018The Impatient Tourist

You ever look around at the people you love and be like, ‘wow, ______ is so good at _______, I wish I had more of that in me?

This happens to me regularly. I’ve been blessed to (now) have a solid foundation of humans around me that I love dearly. They all do have things in common also; loyal, good looking, smart, hard working and hilarious – but, this is about what makes them different and so much better. 

I do have a LARGE support system around me that extends past these seven people, and I appreciate the rest of them greatly too. I’ve been fortunate enough to have good taste in people for 95% of the time, I think. These seven have things I see in them that I admire and wish I could copy and paste to my own personality and behaviours. Yes, people can change, but what they possess I just don’t see happening in my personal future. #LuckyNumber7

I wish I could be more like my dad.

There have been many nights where something I have nothing to do with keeps me up at night even though, again, it has nothing to do with me. I worry about things that really shouldn’t concern me and that is probably why I have had gray hair since I was 17. My incapability to just ‘drop it’ when it comes to worry is ridiculous and has cost me a lot of sleep and happiness. This is where I wish I could be more like my dad. His ability to just not worry or care about much is remarkable. I truly believe he could see a car accident and sleep just fine that night. I know he cares about me and my mom, but aside from that? He has these emotions made of steel that clearly were not passed down to me. If I even had 10% of that stoic personality, I’d sleep better at night.

I wish I could be more like my mom.

I could write a whole blog post just on this one. As an only child I realize there will always be some selfishness to my personality. I admit it and I move accordingly. Because I am an only child my whole life has been about me and me alone. Now imagine someone whose whole life has been about just being selfless? That is my mom. Not only did she grow up helping take care of my aunt in her earlier years, she also had this fat bundle of joy (me) about 31 years ago. My mom would do anything for me and does do anything for me. I try to be a good kid and not abuse that privilege, but the depth of love my mom has for me is some next level stuff. I guess because I’m not a parent and I don’t plan on being one, I won’t ever understand how someone can be so devoted to another human being. I mean yeah, my dad is important too, but when it comes to me I genuinely believe my mom would go to the ends of the earth to keep me happy. Absolutely no where in my personality do I have this kind of selflessness. No where. I wouldn’t say I’m entirely selfish but…… I mean, the idea of 24/7 availability to help someone else because I love them THAT much? I don’t know about that still. This woman took me through some real bullshit in Bosnia to come to Canada and made sure I’d still imagine I had an OK childhood and work hard to have a better adulthood. The world would be a better place is there was mom’s like mine everywhere.

I wish I could be more like my boyfriend.

This person, out of all seven, is going to hate their paragraph the most. Why? Because he doesn’t like to be acknowledged for anything he does. He thinks he’s regular, but I think he’s exceptional. I was a bouncer for all those years and I still can’t stomach conflict. If I see two people arguing that I know, I want to crawl up in a ball and hide. Physical altercations I have no issues breaking up, but to be involved in outright arguments? You can miss me with that. It makes me really uncomfortable witnessing conflict like that. This is where some piece of Mark’s personality would suit me very well. He is 100% about that life, whatever that life may be. If someone begins an argument, he will argue with you until you can’t speak anymore. If someone begins a fight, he will fight until he knows you’re not an issue anymore. Mark lacks fakeness. There is nothing fake about him. I try to play peacemaker in all situations and it keeps backfiring, while Mark is the ‘alright lets war then and get this over with.‘ He is perfectly fine with conflict, sometimes I actually think it entertains him. I wish I could be more like him in just saying whatever I feel all the time so even though it creates instant conflict, at least there’s no confusion long term. 

I wish I could be more like Jummy.

People push that whole, ‘forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about you‘ bullshit and I’m not with it. I hold grudges and I hold them forever. It isn’t that I necessarily wish any ill on the person who wronged me, I just pretend they’re dead. Simple. This also makes me a bit of a hot-head and I react outlandishly to situations that didn’t require my blood pressure rising. This is where my best friend Jummy is an idol of mine. She is the most calm and forgiving person I have ever met. She doesn’t hold grudges (although, that doesn’t mean she forgets the fuckery) and she doesn’t let herself get worked up over nothing. She is always the first person to tell me to let things go because she is able to do so in her kind soul. If there was any way for me to have some of Jummy’s ability to not hold grudges, I’d probably be a nicer person overall. But……. God (and Jummy) forgive, I don’t. She’s going to read this and disagree, but I DON’T CARE OKAY? Jummy exemplifies what the Bible talks about in just being a good person and understanding people make mistakes. 

I wish I could be more like Sherry.

I would like to start this with: little people are crazy. Okay, now that we got that out of the way – I am really a pansy compared to my friend Sherry. She is literally half my size in height and weight but you’d never know it by her personality. I think what draws me into people like her and Mark is their ability to sort out the bullshit when it comes at them accordingly. I wish I could be more like Sherry because she literally gives NO FUCKS if people like her or not. The Sherry I know is loving, sarcastic and hard working but the Sherry she shows to people can be off-putting and mean because she really doesn’t want to deal with anyone’s nonsense. I like that she is someone that makes it known that you don’t want to cross her. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that if she doesn’t want you near her, you just won’t be there. I love that someone who might be the biggest hoodman I know is also someone who is a great friend to me. 

I wish I could be more like Lorren.

Ever known someone who just might be able to tell the future? You should probably meet Lorren. I’d like to think I have an ‘OK’ bullshit meter about people but Lorren I think has a whole frigging formula she developed at home for this. While Mark and Sherry are swift with getting rid of bullshit, Lorren forecasts said bullshit coming. In the years I have been her friend, if she said she had a bad feeling about someone it literally showed itself within a short period of time. She has the most amazing gut feelings about people that she shouldn’t waste her time on. I’m kind of pathetic when it comes to ‘give people a chance‘ – eventually I’ll learn not everyone deserves chances. See, Lorren doesn’t even let people get to the stage of fucking up with her, she already knew to keep you at a distance as soon as you made yourself known. My gut feeling always protected me from violence when I was a bouncer, but if I had some of that impeccable bullshit meter that Lorren has it would better protect me from the waste friends that come around too. 

I wish I could be more like Darren.

So I try to be a peacemaker – but you ever seen a warlord try to do peace talks? I know that I can be difficult, mixup and stubborn when it comes to peoples drama and yes, I DO TAKE SIDES. This is where a friend like Darren would be wonderful to share some of his personality. He is the epitome of ‘I am Switzerland‘ when it comes to drama and conflict among friends. You have to have the one friend who remains unbiased in certain topics that arise. Yes, it cheeses you because you’re like ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT YOU SEE I’M RIGHT?‘ but it’s for the best that you have someone who also tells you that even though you’re right, the situation may not be. The calming effect that Darren has when you go talk to him is uncanny. You can be revved up and ready to go throw a complete tantrum and he will just tell you to settle down and explain how else to go about the situation. I wish I could be more like him because while people like me sometimes add gasoline to a fire, he is the blanket that puts the fire out. 

– Mirna

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