Hello party people!
Here for another recap of the shenanigans that is my traveling life.
When you think you’ve had absolutely everything happen before on a trip – you end up on trips like this and realize, nope, other shit is totally possible as well.
Let me explain to you how this trip to Jamaica, was like none of the ones before. For better, and worse.
And before I forget, if you’re wondering how much all these shenanigans cost, make sure you go read my Jamaica Budget 2023 post as well.
Friday, April 14th
This was an early day as our flight with Swoop was leaving at 650am. We had to be up at 3am and get to Pearson on time to check our bags and go through security. Luckily, we got there at 450am because we ended up needing almost the entire two hours for the process of handing out luggage in AND going through security. Bleh.
Everything was just fine to this point because with Swoop, this can be a little iffy sometimes.
We are in our seats and good to go, when an announcement comes through that someone checked their luggage but has not boarded the plane. This means that they have to remove their luggage off the plane and that ‘it should just take five minutes.’ Five minutes my ass.
Instead of departing at 650am, we not did not end up leaving until 8am. Brutal. Whoever the person was, I hope you step on a Lego while barefoot!
The flight was fine and we eventually made it to Sangster International in Montego Bay.
Now, this time we were WAY better prepared for this arrival in Montego Bay’s airport.
First of all, we completed the Electronic C5 aka the Jamaican Immigration Card four days before our arrival. This saves you some time having to fill out on paper in the plane or even worse, when you land. Do this online and you don’t have to print it, they will be able to pull it up at customs!
Second, we paid for Club Mobay.
What is Club Mobay? It’s a lifesaver, that’s what it is. One our previous trip to Montego Bay, we were in a crazy 90-minute line to get through customs, retrieve our bag and then go through the second customs. NOT THIS TIME BUDDY.
For $50USD each (or $83USD for arrival and departure) you will have someone meet you as you disembark the plane and take you to YOUR OWN CUSTOMS LINE. I’m being so serious, between landing and going through the first customs, grabbing bags and second customs? We were out in under 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes.
Compared to that 90 minutes last time, this was awesome. I will never ever come to Jamaica again without paying for Club Mobay. There is also a Club Kingston, if you do end up arriving/departing from the capital city. We didn’t get the roundtrip option on this journey since we were arriving in Montego Bay and would be departing from Kingston.
But if you are reading this – DEFINITELY PAY FOR CLUB MOBAY. On the day we arrived it wasn’t super busy, but even the young lady that was our escort told us there’s days when planes from Europe arrive and immediately over 1000 people can be there in line with you. No thank you.
The other part of paying the $50USD was being able to use the Club Mobay lounge when you arrive (and also if you pay for the roundtrip, departure too).
After the second customs you go to their lounge and there’s food and drinks waiting for you. My boyfriend and I weren’t too fond of the food options like chicken sandwiches, salad etc. But we grabbed some plantain chips and a rum punch! Make sure you have the rum punch, very delicious and all included in the package.
This is also a good area if you want to charge your phone and hop on the wi-fi, they have that inside the lounge as well.
Eventually we made it out of the airport and began our journey to Port Maria.
My boyfriend’s family is from that part of the island and that would be the first stop before we head to Kingston.
On the way we had my boyfriend’s cousin stop at this awesome jerk place that we went to last time we came to Jamaica.
This was Ultimate Jerk Centre and if you choose to stop here, definitely have the jerk rabbit with a side of fries and festival. I love rabbit and having it jerked? Outstanding.
I really enjoy the drive from Montego Bay to Port Maria because you get to go through Ocho Rios and Oracabessa. There is so much to see and so many parishes from St. James to Trelawny, through St. Ann and then ending in St. Mary. Pretty damn cool.
Being back in Port Maria was great. I love his family’s veranda. I love the city. Also, I can get a 24-pack of patties to take with me at any time. I mean, there really is no complaints. Look at this view. Just wow. Never gets old.
Now, onto Kingston.
I believe there is a highway route to Kingston and the scenic route to Kingston, which is what we took. It’s breathtaking. I believe it takes a little longer to get there? But, totally worth it. There are winding roads and lots of greenery. I enjoy this ride from Port Maria to Kingston more than I even do the one from Montego Bay to Port Maria.
Look at the material!
Now at this point, we have been awake since 3am and it is 7pm as we finally arrive into Kingston. And guess what? We get lost as fuck. So so lost. The GPS took our asses for a whole tour of random parts of the city before we figured to just call our AirBnB host and get better directions.
We got to the AirBnB and it was even better than it looked on the site. Click here if you want to see it yourself.
The host met us and had a gift basket ready with snacks and drinks in it. The please was SPOTLESSLY clean, and spacious with its two bedrooms and two full bathrooms. The kitchen was a nice size as was the living room, which had a TV we were able to watch the NBA playoffs on and also a laptop for you to use for work if needed. The best part though? The balcony.
On the balcony there was camping chairs and on the street that the balcony faced were food vendors and people playing music. Music was on ALL the time at this location. All up until 1-2am, you could hear dancehall or random R&B songs playing from everywhere. If we didn’t have party plans for this weekend, we could have easily just sat on this balcony and partied by ourselves. Wouldn’t recommend if you’re a light sleeper, but for everyone else? You’d love this place. Plus you could also go on the roof of the building to get a really nice sunset view of Kingston.
AirBnB? 10/10
Oh yeah, we still had to go out tonight.
I think we left for this party called Duck Work about 9pm.
The party was OK. I will give it OK. I’m not sure why, but it didn’t feel like enough people were dancing. I like parties where people are dancing a lot and this just wasn’t one of them. However, I did shake my bum for some Jamaican KFC and I regret nothing. If Jamaican KFC needs me to do anything else for them to secure a bucket, my email is mirna at theimpatienttourist dot com. I’m ready when you are!
Saturday, April 15th
Yesterday was a LONG day right?
From being awake at 3am to a flight, to driving to one part of Jamaica and then another part of Jamaica and then being out until 1am. Did I also mention it was THIRTY EIGHT DEGREES OUTSIDE CELCIUS? I don’t think I’d ever been in Jamaica when it was this hot before.
Today I had big plans for us, I wanted to (FINALLY) make it to Devon House and then that night to hit the strip club, Taboo. It was going to be a wonderful Saturday.
lol.
This was my third time in Kingston and for some reason I never had time before to go enjoy the famous Devon House.
With the way I love food, yes, this is kind of strange but for this I suppose I was ‘the patient tourist’. Kind of.
I had been warned that the lines here could get crazy and especially with this being a Saturday and it being Carnival in Jamaica, I anticipated long waits.
Nope. I think we got lucky. The lineups really were not bad or we had just missed a rush? We went around noon.
The first stop was the Devon House Bakery. This place is known for their delicious patties. Specifically their shrimp patty, curry goat patty and lobster patty. As lobster was not in season, I got one of each of the others. Heads up, no one gives you warning that when you enter the bakery there are also DOZENS of cakes etc. That was tough to look at and stick to the patties at hand. Very tough, but I persevered.
The curry goat patty was very good, but THAT SHRIMP PATTY? WOWZERS. I should have taken a dozen of these home with me or something. I need to go back to taste that again. Delicious.
After the patties we went over to try their famous ice cream as well. I didn’t know if there was a specific flavour they were known for, so I went with the coconut ice cream and got some Oreo crumble on top.
I liked my coconut ice cream! I wish my tummy had space to try more places on site but surprisingly, those two patties really filled me up. Kind of felt like a failure, but I shall return one day. You’ll see.
It became really busy as we were leaving, so I think we had chosen a good time to get there, eat and get out.
The heat was definitely making being outside a little tougher so I was happy to be well-fed and heading back into some AC at the AirBnB.
Now this is the part where you’re wondering ‘this seems like a great trip, what could possibly go wrong?’
K. So we get back to the AirBnB and there is some NBA on, I’m fed and obviously, that means it is time for a nap.
You won’t even believe what woke me up.
Must be fucking kidding me.
5.1 earthquake hit close to Kingston. The whole place shook.
I literally looked up at my boyfriend and I remember asking if a large truck of some sort had driven by????? Nope. A damn earthquake. Thankfully, we were fine and from reading my news source (Twitter) I don’t think anyone was hurt on the island nor was there any damage. But still, what the fuck? I was not trying to be in some Port Royal 1692-Port-Royal-Earthquake-Situation.
Not me. I am just here for food dammit.
I went back to sleep and woke up a little later, sick. Sick as a DOG.
When I tell you I was coughing like I was a 70-year-old smoker. (four negative Covid tests later….)
Between the being awake super long the day before + 38 degree weather + cranked up air conditioning. Oh man. I got it bad.
There would be no going out for me tonight. I put a blanket over my head and tried to sleep and recover as best as I could. Just a brutal Saturday on vacation for me.
Natural disaster. Sick. What was next, locusts? Were locusts going to come?
Sunday, April 16th
Barely slept, still pretty sick.
I think I got very lucky because even though it was a Sunday, at 10am a pharmacy was opening nearby so I went to go get some medication to try and make myself feel better.
Bonus part of the street I was staying on was those food vendors I had mentioned.
The picture on the left is the pan-chicken we had gotten the night before in front of our AirBnB and the picture on the right was the breakfast I was able to get Sunday morning walking back from the pharmacy. Mmmmmm, saltfish, mixed veg and dumpling. Delicious.
I really didn’t do much otherwise during the morning and afternoon this day. Super happy that there was some soccer on and also the NBA playoffs to distract me from how shitty I felt.
Of course, my answer to trying to make myself feel better was getting more food. Duh.
If you’re in Kingston, make sure you download an app called 7Krave.
This app comes in clutch if you don’t want to go outside and just want to order food to come to you. Because I am obsessed with Jamaican KFC, they had it on the app so I ordered a bunch of chicken, yes. Spicy. BBQ. Some coleslaw. Oh yes.
Every time I have gone in-person to a KFC in Jamaica the wait was longer than an hour, whether standing or in drive-though. This delivery? 30 minutes. Didn’t have to leave my home. If there is an option to order on this app in whichever location I may be in next time in Jamaica, I will be ordering from now on instead of going in person. 100%.
After eating I did make an attempt to go out. There is a big street party on Sundays in Kingston, so we went there about midnight to check it out. It is called Boom Sundays.
This was the most fun I had all weekend! I loved this party.
If you want a night of good music and people actually dancing? This is the one. We were out there until just past 3am!
Monday, April 17th
Today we were heading to a beach party. Yes, I would see at least a little bit of beach in Jamaica.
I still woke up feeling like hell, but I thought maybe going to outdoor parties would be better for me than just sitting inside?? Terrible reasoning but, yeah.
The event was called Yardmas Beach Fete and it was all the way out in the Portmore area. Heading there for 6pm was CRAZY. I think when I checked Google Maps it said it would take one hour to go 19km….. wtf. So yeah, we sat in some traffic and eventually got there.
Gorgeous set up. Beach right there. I really loved the location for the party. The music was really good tonight and more people were dancing, unlike Friday.
Unfortunately, because I felt like hell, by about 10pm I needed to go home. I tried to fight through it, even would go into the water occasionally to cool myself off, didn’t work. Being sick just sucked so bad.
After this party we were actually supposed to go to Uptown Mondays, that didn’t happen. Between me being sick and then it beginning to rain? Nah.
I felt so shitty, I was only in Jamaica for four nights and no going out two of them? Pissed.
Tuesday, April 18th
Well today we were flying home.
If there is anything worse than being sick on vacation, it is flying home sick from vacation. I didn’t bring my EarPlanes with me (duh, didn’t expect to be sick) and I regret that very much. It took four days for me to get my hearing back after landing in Toronto. That is how bad the head cold was + pressure from the flight.
And if I didn’t think my luck was already bad, Kingston’s Norman Manley airport didn’t have functioning air conditioning the day we flew home. So by the time I boarded the plane home, yep, had been sweating a lot again and boarded an air conditioned box to fly home in. Just adding to my sickness at this point.
Plus, this flight ended up ALSO being delayed because there was a medical emergency of some sort from when the plane arrived in Kingston. Sigh.
I just want to get home.
Eventually, did get home.
Hard of hearing for a bit.
It has been a week since we got home and I am STILL sick if you can believe it. Found out that there was some respiratory illness going around and a bunch of people were sick coming home from Jamaica. Not just me. But not Covid. So I don’t know, some next shit decided to attack our bodies, therefore I have been and will continue to live in my mask. Magically (and thankfully) whatever I caught, my boyfriend never got sick. His immune system must be way superior to mine.
So yeah, there you have it, my fourth trip to Jamaica. I hope none of anything that happened on this trip, ever happens again.
But yes, pay for that Club Mobay, stay in that amazing AirBnB, go to Boom Sundays and have the shrimp patty from Devon House.
Song of The Trip: We a Run E Grung (Remix)
- Mirna