Hooooray. Part 3, finally.
The end of my Africa journey recaps.
Part 1 was Mozambique, Part 2 was South Africa and we have made it to the final part – Nigeria.
The time spent in Lagos, Nigeria was the longest out of the three destinations, but it was also the most fun. What a fun country with super friendly locals. Ah. There were so many shenanigans here that I am thankful I do this chronologically, otherwise I would forget everything.
If you are interested in how much all this gallivanting cost, you can find that here.
Thursday, December 14th – Friday, December 15th
I took off from Toronto —> Cairo —> Lagos on Thursday, December 14th, with Egypt Air. I thought flying at 12:45pm was so odd?? Usually these long-distance flights leave at night, but for some reason I left in the early afternoon.
My seat on the Egypt Air flight was economy, but I was pleasantly surprised they gave all of us a whole toiletries kit on the Toronto to Cairo leg. Socks, earplugs, toothbrush and toothpaste. Pretty cool.
The layover in Cairo was quick and on time to head to Lagos.
That was the last piece of this journey that went well.
On Friday, December 15th I landed in Lagos, Nigeria at 1:30pm. Then we stayed on the plane for 30 minutes. After deplaning, the FIRST customs persons I spoke to said ‘welcome and Merry Christmas, any Christmas gift for me?‘ ah, bribe questions already. I had arrived. I had zero money on me, so that was a no.
And then….
I WAITED UNTIL FOUR FUCKING PM FOR MY LUGGAGE.
Guess what? One out of two bags arrived. Myself, and a bunch of people that had the Cairo layover from Toronto all miraculously had one bag each missing. There was a theory that Egypt Air leaves that on purpose back in Cairo, for the larger plane that comes another day. I had to fill out a missing bag form and leave this damn airport, finally.
Oh, but guess what now? Keeps getting better. By the time I left the airport, it was now Friday rush hour traffic to get to my friend Jummy’s house all the way in Agege. For comparison – the other days we’d drive to her home from this airport (in non-rush hour time) it took about 45 minutes. Today? After all the bullshit at the airport – it took us two hours and thirty minutes to get there. Learned a lesson early into this trip to Lagos, GO PEE WHEN YOU CAN. Because you truly do not know the next time you might get to a bathroom with that Lagosian traffic.
Thank goodness Jummy was waiting for me with some puff puff in the car and when I arrived at her family home, her mom had joloff rice and peppered snail waiting for me. The most exquisite welcome. I loooooooved all of these items, my tummy needed them bad.
Finally, time for bed.
Saturday, December 16th (MY BIRTHDAYYYY)
Today is my birthday. I turned 37.
I will be frank with you – I wasn’t exactly in the best mood today as half of my clothes were still missing in the Egypt Air abyss. At least they provided me a tooth brush and toothpaste in the damn toiletry kit, so, yay, I suppose. My birthday outfit was in the missing bag, as were all my drawers. It was 39 degrees Celsius in Lagos, can’t say the drawers were necessary or needed that badly.
My best friend Jummy really had an awesome birthday planned for me, so it was time to get on with the show. LET ME BE A LEKKI PHASE ONE BADDIE. I had been waiting years for this.
See, the thing about the Agege area is, there are ZERO white people. The car our driver had was tinted, but not so much the front. I sat in the front to go from Agege to Victoria Island and listen, pure hilarity ensued.
Unlike Johannesburg, where people stared at us in the most unwelcoming way, in Lagos? It was all jokes. The traffic enforcement people waved at me and yelled ‘hello whitey‘ or ‘hello oyinbo‘!! I was laughing literally the entire drive to the island. Once on Victoria Island, no one paid me any mind.
I suppose this is where the other oyinbo’s congregate occasionally.
Let me mention the traffic here again. I have been to Bali, New York, Los Angeles and Cairo – absolutely nowhere on this planet compares to the traffic in Lagos, Nigeria. They don’t even come close. I nearly died like fifteen times a day or more. Those tuk-tuks and the trucks and it is such chaos. It is chaos constantly. I marveled at the driving capabilities here because, nah, no way. It is now March and I’m still shocked I came home in one piece. But that’s the thing right? People know their way around THEIR place, so they can get by. Me, I just stared out the window and prayed for the best. Oh, and for my bladder.
Our driver dropped us off at our lunch destination – Nok by Alara.
What a gorgeous establishment. They had a lot going on with what looked to be a market for local businesses and then the restaurant in the back.
Because I am greedy, I had peppered snail again. It was my birthday, I can have what I want, don’t judge me. Along with the peppered snail, we also had plantain and shrimp for our starters. For my main I had the most amazing catfish. We ate too damn much though, the portions here will get you. Don’t be gluttonous! Learn from my mistakes.
Jummy had the brilliant idea of getting a hotel for the night, which we booked before I left Toronto. Since everything we were getting up to during the day and night was on Victoria Island, might as well just stay here.
We chose to stay at the Riviera Hotel.
This hotel was so perfect for our trip. We actually enjoyed it so much we booked it for later in the trip again. The location was perfect for all the Detty December activities, they had a pool, the staff was nice, rooms were quite large and clean. Everything was great.
Only thing that sucked? My credit card wouldn’t work. It was very strange because I called my bank and they said there was no block on their end. I tried my bank card? Suddenly that worked. Odd things. But, I learned between Nigeria and Mozambique quickly, you must have two cards and cash with you at all times. You just never know what will or won’t work.
After check-in, Jummy took me to the next part of my gift. We headed over to went to Neubelle Spa.
Lovely place to get some peace and relaxation amongst all the chaos outside. I liked my massage and I felt so refreshed after all my hours of traveling by plane and car.
Another positive thing was, during the massage I got a phone call from the airport saying my second piece of luggage had arrived. Next day, not so bad.
Now, it was time for a nap.
We didn’t really have exact plans for the evening debauchery, so we sauntered over to the famous Quilox Nightclub to see what was going on.
I think we went to this club at about 11:30pm, ate some food, made a friend from USA, and ended up staying here. Like I said, we didn’t really have any plans.
This clubbing experience was something to behold. Let me tell you. First of all, why the hell is a table here 1,000,000 Naira? One. Million. Naira. For the cheapest booth. At the time, I believe the exchange showed that was damn near $1500.00 Canadian. It has dropped now, but $1500??????? What???? I am not that rich.
Surprisingly, the drinks at the bar were a totally reasonable price though. I think for six shots I only paid about $40.00 Canadian. That is definitely cheaper than in Toronto. Also, my card would not work AGAIN. Apparently, many establishments do not have a machine for ‘international cards’. This was surprising to me, because I know the Nigerian diaspora comes here heavy, especially in December. From the UK, USA and Canada. I can’t imagine that all of them have Nigerian bank accounts? Maybe they do. I did not. Thankfully, I had some American dollars on me and everywhere in Nigeria, trust me, they will take those Amurrican dollars.
The music at the club was really good, Jummy and I had a fun time. Unfortunately, no one else was in the club. It was literally me, her, the bartenders and the bottle girls. People did not even being entering until about 3:30am. I am old, I usually go home at this time. Geezum. We ended up staying until about 5:30am at the club and then headed back to our hotel.
Outside the club, I wanted to note, was a whole lineup of Maybach’s. Hello? Where was I? Now I see why the one million Naira booths were in this club.
Sunday, December 17th
Obviously, we did not wake up in time for breakfast. Fail.
We went straight from Victoria Island over to the airport to pick up my bag. I was happy because all of my items were in tact and I had this bag in my possession before we were leaving for Joburg and Mozambique. Small successes.
From the airport we headed back to Agege. Everything in my body was hurting, as the drinking the night before was something serious. No regrets, just pain.
Jummy’s mom made us a delicious dinner. I am now in love with poundo. For breakfast she had also blessed us with yam and eggs? 10/10. The food in Nigeria was all delicious, nothing bad. I fell in love quickly.
Unfortunately for me, this evening I would experience something that apparently happens here a lot. Power outage.
I’d heard the power can go in and out, but I didn’t know that when it went out – it could be out for a loooooooooong time. Remember, 39 degrees Celsius outside. There was zero breeze in Agege. Now there was no electricity, so no fan or air conditioning. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep one bit. I’m one of those people who needs absolute perfect conditions to sleep. This is why I can’t ever sleep on planes either. I need it to be cool, I need to be laying down etc. There would be no relief for the temperature tonight. I think I showered like 10 times just trying to do anything to cool off. It was just me and a bucket. All night. Over and over.
Never been so thankful for my portable charger in my life. Also, all the things I had downloaded onto my phone before traveling. I did not sleep even a second this whole night, just stayed up watching Chernobyl and eventually listening to the roosters.
Monday, December 18th
Yep, still awake.
Tonight we were leaving for Joburg and literally 15 minutes before we left for the airport – the power finally came back on. I think it is ridiculous that people who pay for their damn electricity bill can just be left like this for hours and days without power. Yes, there are generators and some renewable energy options, but still, what the fuck?
Jummy and I packed, I probably showered three more times, and we left for the airport. Off to Joburg.
Thursday, December 28th
On this day we were flying back from Johannesburg to Nairobi to Lagos.
Let me tell you how these people almost didn’t let me on this goddamn plane? We waited forever to check our bags, and when I finally got to the front they were unsure if my Nigerian visa was valid. Just one fucking thing after another.
The Kenya Airways check-in agent ended up literally having to call the Nigerian consulate or immigration to double check that I had a multi-entry visa. I did. Duh.
Our flight ended up leaving one hour late and the layover in Nairobi was TIGHT. Very tight. Jummy and I were so sure we would miss our connection.
We landed in Nairobi and ran across this damn airport. RAN. I haven’t run like that since grade eight. By some miracle, we made the flight and so did our luggage. Big kudos to Kenya Airways, this was super impressive because we were so sure we’d miss our flight or that our luggage would miss it. But thankfully, we were wrong.
Once we landed in Lagos, I had PTSD from the last time we landed and my luggage situation. But like I said, Kenya Airways wasn’t messing around like Egypt Air was. It all arrived.
Jummy and I randomly got pulled into the ‘something to declare‘ room at the airport in Lagos though. I was super confused. We didn’t have anything to declare and initially I though the security guy was just trying to hit on Jummy. Which I understand, she’s good looking. Nope. Dude was just being annoying and asking for a bribe. We said no and kept it moving. Drove back to Jummy’s house and went to sleep.
Friday, December 29th
Today we literally did not a damn thing.
During the day there was no power, again. But at night Jummy’s mom was kind enough to get the oil for the generator to run so we could get some sleep without melting. We did have a little BBQ, again, Nigerian food for the win.
I think because of how much I was sweating while in Lagos, I came back to Canada 10lbs lighter and with the most amazing skin.
Saturday, December 30th
Today we woke up and headed back to Victoria Island. Went right back to the Riviera Hotel, just has a slightly different room. This one has a massive shower, oh, and my credit card worked this time. Good for me.
Jummy found this amazing placed called Chapters Lagos to go for dinner.
I believe it was from 4pm to 7pm they had ALL YOU CAN DRINK COCKTAILS for like $20.00 Canadian. You damn well know we weren’t missing that. To fast forward, we got to five cocktails each and then we tapped out. From what I heard, after December they actually stopped the all you can drink special. Damn shame.
This restaurant was so pretty, the staff was so nice and the food? Oh. It is like an Indian-Nigerian fusion. Just make sure you get the Suya Spiced Cheese Naan. It will be life changing. It was for me.
Sunday, December 31st
After drinking five cocktails each, we fell asleep. Then we woke up at 1:30am on December 31st and decided to go to a beach party. Of course. Detty December shenanigans alive and well.
We took and Uber or Bolt, whatever, to Moist Beach Club.
This place was a total vibe. The music. The drinks. There was a random horse on the beach. If I was hungry, I would have also eaten here because the food looked tantalizing. When we went for a walk on the beach we made some new friends. If they’re reading this, you rock. Thanks for hanging out. Lovely humans.
We left this place at 5:30am. Night just flew by.
Because we left the club at 5:30am, we stayed awake JUUUUST a little longer and had the breakfast at our hotel, which began at 7am. Please don’t judge me for the picture below, I was sleepy and still intoxicated. This is literally how much food I ate, just for myself.
They had a guy making fresh waffles, fresh omelets and don’t even get me started about these damn beans. Ohhhh the beans. They were perfectly seasoned and my tummy was so happy.
After breakfast, it was time to sleep a few more hours.
Why did I only sleep a few hours? Because of course, my best friend had a damn makeup artist show up at 11am to do her face for NYE festivities. I wanted to unalive when she turned the lights on in our room. I was so damn tired from partying earlier that morning.
Later in the afternoon, I’m not sure where we heard about a party at this place called Wave Beach, but there was no party. We went all the way to this place to see children everywhere and got the fuck out within 15 minutes of being there. No thank you. The beach was nice to see though!
It was time to eat again so Jummy said we should go check out Danfo On the Beach. Now this was probably top three favourite nights from this entire trip for me.
The view from this place was incredible. Going from daytime into nighttime especially. There was music playing from everywhere because 2024 was getting closer by the hour. Also, the chicken wings and joloff at Danfo? Ah. Yes. Yummmmmy. I like my joloff a little spicier, but it was all still so delicious.
If we didn’t have plans to meet up with some friends later tonight, I would have gladly stayed on this rooftop until the next day just eating, drinking and watching the free concert nearby.
We had a bit of a catastrophe trying to leave this area because of that damn concert. Even though it was only 8pm and Nigerians do seem to show up later to events than everyone else, people were arriving really early for this concert. This caused an insane amount of traffic and also closures by the police around the area. We stood in the parking lot for 40 minutes trying to get an Uber or Bolt to come pick us up. It was not happening. Not a single car could come close to us and we needed to get back to our side of the island to the hotel.
Finally, we had to make the decision to walk 20-30 minutes in slight darkness to get outside the barricades. That was some walk, let me tell you. In my little mini skirt. But we got out just fine and were finally able to catch an Uber back to the hotel.
I don’t remember if we were able to even nap between getting back and going out again. We got changed and the festivities continued. We had a table over at Vertigo ready for us to bring in 2024.
The club was also empty for the bringing in of the New Year because many people bring it in at church here. That is nice. Not me, I had my cleavage out and was drinking at midnight. Go me.
We liked this club, the music was good and I wish I had gotten our servers name because he was outstanding. Took such good care of us. Amazing way to bring in the New Year with my best friend, in Lagos!!
Monday, January 1st
To show you how much we drank the night before and how tired we were.
Today? We got up at 6pm. Yes. PM.
That was when I finally stepped foot out of my bed. The hangover was lethal. Jummy and I got ready because we were going out with her mom to Mood Lagos. Our reservation was at 7pm, but again, due to some insane traffic and random police blocks, we didn’t get there until 730pm.
I am someone who is early for everything I do in life – Lagos was tough for me. Being pretty much late for everything because you have no idea what will happen on the road is nuts. You can’t plan for a damn thing. You just really have no clue.
When we did make it to Mood, it was a pretty restaurant. I see why the IG girlies were in here taking photos and posing. It is one of those places.
However, our experience was fucking terrible.
First we ordered some ginger beers, for four of us at the table. Two of us got those cans, and the other two waited another 20 minutes for theirs. When it came time to order food, the fish I wanted, I was told would take 40 minutes to make. That was no problem, I can wait 40 minutes. Decided to order some peppered goat as a starter, since the server said that would only take 15-20 minutes.
Well, the goat came out 40 minutes later….. and do you know when my fucking fish came out? ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES AFTER ORDERING. I waited damn near two hours for this fish. Now, I’m not mean, the fish was delicious. Fair is fair. But if this had been in Canada? I would have walked out within that first 45 minutes. On top of that, the establishment didn’t have a machine for foreigner cards. Jummy’s mom ended up having to pay for the meal. So embarrassing.
Instead of getting to dinner at 7pm, eating and drinking, getting home about 9-ish PM, like we planned. We didn’t get home until MIDNIGHT. Can you believe that? Midnight. Between the delay in traffic going to the restaurant, the hours we spent waiting on the damn food and then 40 minutes to drive back to hotel. Catastrophe. I’d never ever eat at Mood Lagos again. Go get some drinks, take some photos. But waiting two hours for a meal is a hell no.
Tuesday, January 2nd
Today we woke up and went on a boat ride around/through Victoria Island. This was a really cool vantage point to see everything from. The houses on the water here? Sheesh. WEALTH. It was really cool, and a great way to finish our time on the island.
We drove back to Agege from the island and stopped to get some suya. You ever seen those women in Yorkville after they get lip injections? That was me after eating this suya. It burned so good. The spice was nice. If you like spicy food, stop by this place and get some for your tastebuds to have a shock to their system.
Wednesday, January 3rd
Today we went with Jummy’s mom over to a market to see if we could find me a Nigeria magnet, as I collect those from all my trips. That was a fail, no magnet for me.
We made it to a mall in Ikeja and got some ice cream. The heat in Lagos will make you want ice cream more than you would at any other time.
At this moment I had the bright idea to take out some Naira from an ATM so tomorrow, when I fly home, I would have cash at the airport to buy snacks and a magnet.
I got the cash, I did not get my card. If you can believe it, on the last damn day of my trip – an ATM ate my card. Just my luck. I immediately froze all my accounts, everything was fine. Just slightly annoying.
Next day I flew home.
The return with Egypt Air was much better than the bullshit they put me through going there. Everything was on time and both of my bags arrived. Although, naturally, Pearson Airport had to be on some nonsense telling people two wrong carousels to pick up luggage from on arrival. But, yeah, got the bags. All is good.
Lagos was awesome. The energy there is like nowhere else. Lagosians are also some of the friendliest people I’ve met, and not that weird fake friendly that people do to tourists. Like they were legitimately friendly in hotels, in bars, on the street. Everywhere. For all the fearmongering people did before I went on this trip, I never ever felt unsafe or uncomfortable in Lagos. Not in Agege and not on Victoria Island. The ‘omg Boko Haram might kidnap you‘ people can now shut up. I told you I was too chubby and unimportant to kidnap. I made it home safely (thankfully, as always), the traffic was way scarier than everything else.
All the money I spent and work I did to get my tourist visa was sooo worth it. Would I do it again? Uhm, probably not so soon. This was the most expensive trip I have ever been on and the visa fees really added to that sum and also to the stress. When that lady in Joburg airport almost didn’t let me fly back I was ready to just fly back to Toronto.
Best part of the trip was getting to hang out with my best friend and her family in her home land. You just can’t beat that. You get to experience a piece of someone who is very dear to you and I’m eternally grateful for this experience.
Plus, Nigerian food is easily top 5 for me now. Had to move the previous #5 out of the way, Nigeria has taken your place.
You’d have a great time here too just make sure you have a good bladder, patience, cash, some nice outfits and access to a generator. You’re set.
Happy travels!
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